Readying for guests

My two oldest girlfriends are coming into town this weekend so I've been prepping the guest room for their arrival. I've been googling "guest room essentials" which turned up some good tips (Kleenex!), as well as some weird ones ("an orange or an apple").

As an aside, I've shared a bed with all of my friends at some point, male or female. We take trips together so I know exactly who snores, who hogs the blankets, and who will spoon you accidentally. Greg was really confused about how my two friends were going to deal with the one-bed situation.

"So wait, they're going to sleep together?"
"Yes. Why is this weird?"
"I don't share beds with my friends. How will that even work?"
"You've never shared a bed with a platonic friend? I imagine one will sleep on the left, and the other on the right. It's a queen sized bed and they are both petite. It should work."

And then Greg gave me one of those "women are such a mystery" looks and I thought, "It's a good thing you're cute because you sure can be weird sometimes."

Now that we had that sorted out, I just had to figure out where to put the apple or orange. In other essentials news, I've got two ottomans, which work as luggage stands and can hold towels. Or I guess they could sit on them.

I cleared out some space in the closet (extra blankets in there) and hung some wooden hangers. All of the online guides were very specific that the hangers must be wood. Joan Crawford, your legacy is undeniable.

I hung these sweet bird hooks that Bill gave me. They have very strong magnets under their chins that can hold keys or anything metal. Their beaks can hold mail or paper reminders. Or you can just hang a wet towel over them.

All of the online guides were like, "A robe! How about a robe? Have you thought about a robe?" I own five robes, one of which I spent a hot week in the summer sewing myself, and I never ever use any of them. But okay, fine, I'll give them robes.

I've got a box of Kleenex (note to self: buy a better looking square box), an iPhone charger, and an alarm clock.

Bottled water and two glasses. That's a real plate that looks like a paper plate, another great gift from Bill. I want them to be hydrated while they sleep together like cretins.

I dusted our packed bookshelves. They feature my signed picture of Stephen Colbert and the "no hamburgers" sign from the library where I used to work. You know why we had those? Because someone left a hamburger in the stacks one day. College students are animals.

And I hung the dragon doodle that Bill created for our last Chinese New Year celebration. None of the online guides mentioned dragons, but I'm sure they meant to.

I doubled up and hung the dragon calendar. Nothing says "luxurious spa-like experience" like dragons. Bill also gave me this. Don't you wish you were friends with Bill? He gives the best presents and he'll help you replace the wax ring on your toilet. He also won't bat an eye at sharing a bed with you.

I bought a rad new pot from Garden Fever and put out an empty bowl for jewelry. There are magazines and a few light books. I put out a bottle of smelly moisturizer, mostly because one of the visiting friends hates smelly beauty products. The best hostesses are a tiny bit irritating. If they weren't, guests would never leave.

And a fan. I love fans. I love the white noise, I love it being as cold as possible while I sleep.

I also washed all the bedding, down to the mattress pad, even though no one has slept on them since the last time I washed them. Like an idiot I left the comforter in the dryer too long and singed it. If the girls notice I'll tell them that a dragon scorched it. If they don't believe me I will hit them in the head with that stupid orange.

I have extra toiletries and a hair dryer in the bathroom and there's fruit in the fridge, where it belongs.

What am I forgetting?