Hoo ha cherry soda!

I am the Ron Paul of home improvement. My plan makes no sense, everything is backward, but I'm having a good time and people seem content to let me keep on with it because it's mildly entertaining. But I don't send out racist newsletters, so at least I've got that going for me.

I've been painting this alcove for two months. Painting with this color (Benjamin Moore Whirlpool) is a pain in the ass because it essentially goes on white. I don't use painters tape because I can usually cut in with a pretty straight line with a brush. But this color makes it very difficult to see where the white trim ends and your color begins. So there's been a lot of repainting around the trim. And then after I painted it I decided to patch some of the holes. And then I had to repaint those spots.

Then I filled the gaps where the door hinges used to be and primed and painted those sections. Then I slapped a coat of paint on the trim. Then I decided that I should put wood filler on the thousands of dents and holes covering this poor doorway. And THEN I primed it. And painted it. Again. What's wrong with me and why am I at this debate?

I'm sick of having a purple bathroom (it was supposed to be gray) and I've been hunting for the perfect color for three years. With our new gray-with-a-purple undertone house paint I thought, "Aha! I can just lighten up our exterior color and have it put in an interior paint base!"

I had them mix up a 25% mix of our house color and then decided to put it here in the bathroom. Because touching up TWO colors is the best.

Our house color has a blue undertone, not purple. I know this now.

I'm pretty sure the white alcove was painted with Killz primer, something I don't have on hand. You guys, don't do this.

Hoo ha! Cherry soda!

'RON PAUL' - A Bad Lip Reading SoundBite - watch more funny videos

Have you watched the Bad Lip Reading videos already? They (along with that cat from Japan who jumps out of boxes) are some of my favorite things that the Internet ever created.

Final photo!

I've been waiting for a sunny day so I could take non-phone photos of the finished paint job. And then I wanted my before photos to show what it looked like when I actually bought it, arbor vitae in front and all. Guys, between the 30,000 photos (it's quantity, not quality!) I've taken and the two shows filmed here I think I have the best documented house in Portland.

And yet, I don't have a facing shot of the house with the arbor vitae, I guess because you couldn't really see the house behind them. So I have screen shots. I apologize.

I loved my inspector so much. Total sweetheart.

Can you believe I overbid on this crackden?

And then I tore out the arbor vitae with my friend David.

And then we had the rhododendrons removed and painted some swatches.

And now she looks like this!

Sunny day real estate

I'm really pleased with how the paint color picks up the bit of purple in the roof and in the bricks on the fireplace.

And I think it's going to look great with all of the plants (all the plants! all of them!) that I'm going to put in front.

On a stormy day. Still cheerful!

Even with the pink tree, LeAnn.

I love it, I don't care what anyone says. Pink + orange forever!

Bonus Offbeat Green because I'm in love with this scene!

I will get my Offbeat Green however I can

One of the colors we considered for the front door was Offbeat Green:

Greg hated it, I loved it. We had a quart sample so I decided to paint the old window that hangs on the back of the garage with it.

When I first moved in there was a shed on the back of the house that I had to tear down.

My friends Ryan and Zimmy very carefully salvaged the window, which I hung where the shed once stood.

And then I decided to paint the back of the house so it didn't look *quite* so terrible.

And then we removed the cement slab, put in a rain garden, and painted. And now I think it looks a lot cuter and not so much like a junk yard back here.

Of course, all of the shrubs I have planted back here are chartreuse, so I'll probably end up repainting the window orange for contrast. You can't see most of them because they are so small.

I may end up removing the sarcococca and shifting the salal to the left so everything has enough room, even though the sarcococca is a nice dark green. Now I just need everything to hurry up and GROW. The best part of all this is that Greg admitted that the Offbeat Green looks pretty rad with our house color. I may or may not have run a victory lap through the yard chanting, "I was right! I was right!" after that. He puts up with a lot, that poor man.

Two mysteries: one plant, one animal

Okay, birdnerds, I have no skill in identifying birds. Is this a Western Tanager? I googled "fat yellow bird" and this was my best guess.

What are you doing up there?

Mystery 2: I always thought this fern that I rescued from a dark corner near the foundation was a sword fern. But it looks perpetually alert, which isn't normal for sword ferns.

It has small, reddish-brown sori that don't overlap and the teeth on the fronds are smooth and very close together.

The best guess I have is Dryopteris dickinsii, common name "large peacock fern" or "crisped shaggy wood fern" (very catchy, whoever came up with that one). Anybody think that sounds right? And can I propagate it? I want a billion of these in my yard.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate

ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOORORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR ORANGEDOOR

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

It totally clashes with our neighbor's house and I don't even care, I love it so much.

Curb appeal--things I'm eyeing for the house

Oh god, I didn't even think about the fact that once we painted the house we'd also need to upgrade other things, like the house numbers, doormat, light fixture, etc.

Neutraface Modern numbers by AtlasSigns

The world's most expensive doorbell plate from DWR

I know none of the finishes match but we're playing dress-up! I don't necessarily love the execution of this doormat but I love the function.

A doormat with bristles! From DWR.

Planters to anchor the steps, from Crate and Barrel.

Large bronze tapered planter

I think I'll need to do a different color, as these would disappear against the color of the house. And then I would plant them with chartreuse greenery to pop. What else am I missing? (You know, aside from landscaping.)

The first coat of paint is up!

I would hug it but it's still wet.

Click to embiggen

Oh my god. I'm so excited. They still have to paint the doors Saucy Gold and repaint the trim. I'm not sure how I feel about the garage door being the same color as the body of the house. I know that's de rigueur right now, but it looks funny to me.

Just a reminder of the before:

Pale green awfulness

 Yay!